Roster

Nickname: “Oompa Loompa”

Position: 2nd Base

Ben is the team comedian / abs-infomercial guy. He hits the ball well and his nipples can cut glass.

Nickname: “Miggy Smalls”

Position: Catcher

When Miguel steps up to the plate, the crowd goes silent. It’s usually because he makes the pitcher cry with his 32in Black Magic.

Nickname: “Wrong Kelley”

Position: Doggy Style

Ron is probably the funniest person on the team, besides Ben and Miguel (and Pete, Chris, Rene and Tim).

Nickname: “Swoop”

Position: Field

Steve is like that uncle that dates all of my sisters friends. He is smooth and layed out on the R&B Tip. Kind of like Ralph Tresvant from New Edition. Except whiter. And shorter. He recently earned the name “Swoop” because no matter what we do, he ends up with the chicks in the parking lot.

Nickname: “Driveshaft”

Matt is the best player in the world. After hitting the Driveshaft Garage on Country Club with not ONE, but TWO homerun shots, we now call him Country Shaft. I mean Country Drive. Dang it, I mean Driveshaft. I think Driveshaft is a gay club in Eloy too.

Nickname: “Skinny McRickety”

B-Rye to the G-Rye is our resident rapper and golf swing expert. One time he hit a ball so hard that it went past the infield. Everybody cheered.

Nickname: “Leisure Suit”

I hope you have tickets to this gun show, because Larry is bringing it, bringing it hard, and bringing it NOW, bitch.

If you don’t have a hat, go buy one and get ready hold the f*ck onto it – Leisure Suit Larry is comin’ to town and there’s no Leisure in this guy’s suit. It has custom arm holes just for his bicep veins.

Nickname: “Tighty Whitey” I could show you a full body picture of Derrin – but then I’d have to tell you his real name, which is Dexter.